I don't know how to start this post. As I sit here I am fraught with anxiety because I am late. I'm late to begin this post, I'm late to go grocery shopping, I'm late to feed my bajillion critters, I'm late FOR EVERYTHING because I don't have enough time.
Time. TIME. That elusive, ephemeral, intangible thing WE ALL STRUGGLE TO FIND. Sometimes I HATE time. I hate how fast it passes and how little of it I seem to have. I sometimes hate what my time is often filled with. Minutia, stress, RIDICULOUS PEOPLE.
I also fear what time can represent. Age....UGH...mortality....UGH AGAIN. I think a lot about time these days--when I have the time to think.
There are upsides to the passage of time as well--don't get me wrong. Wisdom (hopefully), focus, acceptance, tolerance, love, embracing ADULTHOOD (can I get another UGH here??).
I would like to think I am on the track to finding focus. For me that means taking time, even when I don't think I have any, to be conscious of what I do in my life. I try to remain aware as much as possible. WHAT THE HELL IS SHE BABBLING ABOUT, you ask? Well, it's hard to describe. My close friends of a certain age (WE'RE ALL PAST 50, OKAY?) get what I'm talking about. Self awareness. True self awareness. I'm working on it. I think it's reflected in my artistic life as well. I'm focusing on work that feels right to me, speaks in my voice. I'm not 1000% there yet, but I'm on the path.
When I turned 50 I wrote this poem. Maya Angelou influenced, but how I felt in that moment, how I still feel. The words fit perfectly with a necklace I created for a photographer friend of mine. It features photographs of vintage nudes wrapped in steel. That's what we are as women--curves and beauty wrapped in steel. Some of us may feel caged, but we're strong...so strong. Central is a pendant with a crowned mirror, vials of affirmations feature throughout.
I'm almost on the verge of liking myself right now, and time, that elusive BITCH, is precious to me. NEVER feel the time you take to create is stolen or wasted. IT'S VITAL, it's the time that makes the rest of our lives fuller, makes us fuller as individuals. Take time. MAKE time. Appreciate time and EMBRACE time. You are worth ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD.
What age am I you ask?
I'm the age where I answer to no one but myself
I'm the age where the opinion that matters most is my own
I'm the age where my hair, my clothes and my body are configured, adorned and displayed to please only me
I'm the age where a great sense of humor and a strong sense of self
are a thousand times sexier than any muscle a man can flex
I'm the age where the people I love and choose to spend time with understand what that time is--
I'm the age where time has meaning and if you waste mine you have stolen from me and I will have none left for you
I'm the age where the brand, make and model mean nothing, but quality and craftsmanship mean everything
I'm the age where art is like breathing and I choose to breath deeply
I'm the age where I can weep for the world--and I do
I'm the age where I could choose to look away--but I don't
My age is a wave that carries me across time, and I'm riding the swell as long and as fast as I can
My age, in a word, is ENVIABLE.
Now, go make something AMAZING!